Jioing techniques
Today very happy day ah cos one of our ginna birthday his name called Xiao Hen. Because he very heng in Find Stead Department today I jio 2 zabor and after they agree be my stead I ask him go and be Xiao Hen stead for 1 day. Today Xiao Hen very song jitao got 2 girl with him.
If you all wondering why I this tao eh so pro anyhow can jio 2 girl already I can teach you how.
tao eh is ah beng so confirm must get ah lian gf. if I get nerd gf how am I going to face all my ginna? if my gf dont know how to scold vulgar and smoke, all my ginna will quit the gang because their tao eh wife duno how to scold vulgar. That is why I love Ai Pia all along.
The most important thing is, Ai Pia love to eat mango.
in front of an ahlian, you must always give her to so near yet so far feeling. you must look in her eye liao then when she look at you, you must look away. this is to show her that you dont hiu her but you wan her to hiu you, and this is the most imba method to jio an ahlian.
2nd if you wan her to auto jio you, you must die die have a pack of cigg with you and start smoking in front of her. at the same time when you smoke, you must say all the private part in hokkien.
the ahlian will be very amazed that you know all the magic word and she will think you very cool and will want to stead you. after u smoke and scold all the private part, you must talk to your friend very loudly because ahlian believe that the louder you talk, the more man you are.
so far this method let me jio until got 8 ahlian steads liao. so this method is quite imba to me liao. and so far i haven hear anyone method more zai than mine.
i have used this method on 24 ah lians.
dun ask me what happen to the other 16 ahlians. because you all will laugh even if i am your tao eh. last time ask you all dont laugh at me for the 14 times i fall down staircase, my ginna still laugh at me knn zzzz. end up all of them tio daiji.
this is also the method i use to jio Ai Pia i hope she still remember what brand of cig i am smoking that day. and she really love me lots. i also love her lots, because i always say we Yong Bu Fen Li.
Ai Pia is the best stead among all my 8 ex le.
once again happy birthday to Xiao Hen but remember by midnight after your birthday pass liao must break with the 2 ahlian hor. I need to return stock back to Stead Department, all the ginna who haven find 5 ex still need them.
Nerd
Sibei dulan ah your tao eh today tio daiji and suay suay today Saturday my Ai Pia with me that time knn one got nerd keep beo my Ai Pia zzzz. Knn that nerd wear black specs carrying so many books with him still dare to beo my Ai Pia zzzzz.
I know big daiji going to happen to him I faster ask Ai Pia zao. But my dear Ai Pia just don't want to zao. I begin to feel very scared I ask her is it that nerd her gan stead again? She say not her gan stead,
is her maple stead. zzzzzzzzz
but she say maple stead nvm can whack so she just zao. I more dulan that nerd is her maple stead zzz I tell him kua simi lanjiao he tell me he see me no lanjiao zzz. Wa knn nerd also know how to say private part liao i thought he will run when I say the word lanjiao. I know that magic word is not going to work on him so I need to use my fist liao.
Then knn before I going to punch him he start to take off his spectacle and start to bend him specs. Knn I thought he how old nia trying to show me he like Abra can bend spectacle. Limpei just stand there wait for him to play his spec finish.
Then knn his spec suddenly become a very long stick and start to change colour and at last it become the Sun Wukong Golden Pole. Knn he whack me with the Golden Pole until Limpei sibei pain zzzzz.
I tell him better watch out I will tio him daiji he start to flip his books and knn his books suddenly all transform into Maple prepaid cards and he start to toss them at me like a Ninja.
Knn la now limpei whole body cuts and bruises zzzz
To all my ginna: dont tio nerds daiji zzz
Ok I going post up the duty roster liao all this name is get from the facebook group 14 SIAO aka.TIONGXIM/GUAILANKIAS FAN CLUB
so people u all better dun pon your duty hor if not i sure tio you dai ji zzzz.
ok since monday is the start of school each week i believe alot of ginna will have monday blue one so i think that day not alot of ginna will go to school so monday is consider a break day for us. we will have meeting to eat kitkat together because we want to have a break.
tuesday onwards will have more ginna going to school so is your time to tio daiji with them liao.
i will exclude sunday in the duty roster as sunday is a holiday.
saturday is also off day because your tao eh just patch with Ai Pia and i going to pat tor with her.
so your duty is from tuesday to friday and we will be combing the whole of singapore for duty.
as long as got girl i will put a guy with them for partner because the number of molest case is rising.
and i dont want our girls to molest people. so guys who are partnering girl, please keep a lookout on them.
This is currently the duty roster for those who are available to patrol. remember to choose your targets wisely and just call any ginna from our gang they will be on standby and ready to fight anytime as they do not study and stay home whole day look for daiji. so dun worry no one will go there and help u.
it is important to know that if any of u cannot make it for duty must report to me 2 days in advance so i can ask another ginna to replace. if pon without mc or parents letter i will tio your daiji.
Conclusion
Ok I decided to jio Ai Pia back and don't care about the ahlian Janice because I think Ai Pia more chio and I organise a vulgar competition among the two of them.
Ai Pia win her in the vulgar competition cos she know 3 more vulgar words than Janice so I think if my stead is Ai Pia I will have more wind as a tao eh. As you know all my ginna de steads their vulgar all lose to my Ai Pia and Ai Pia is currently the top stead in the stead section.
Recently the anti ahlian blog got encourage people to join our Stead Department but all of them lose to Ai Pia because their vulgar damn noob la zzzzz. I jitao fail them and ask them go home drink their father milk zzz.
Ai Pia I am apology I break with you and try to stead other girl. I now in front of all my ginna ask you for another chance to be your stead and hope we patch back and dont ever break again. Please forgive me.
Yong bu fen li.
New case who want settle?
This girl reject me lar I very sad zzzz I because of her break up with my Ai Pia and she today jitao reject me lor zzzz. You know anot I with my Ai Pia been through so much she even break up with her gan stead because of me and I break with my Ai Pia because of her she jitao reject me zzzzz.
I finally discover the person who look at my kkj when I in toilet liao actually is her brother and her brother go and tell her I got 2.5inch kkj so she dont want me zzzz.
Now guys can help your tao eh choose if want jio Ai Pia back or this girl??? I really love both of them but I don't know which one to choose sia zzzzz. Currently Ai Pia I put on hold once this girl accept me I will hang up on Ai Pia..
Annual Budget 2010
Today Tao Eh going to make a speech here about our annual budget 2010. Because our gang is keep on expanding and now we have more member our gang reserves currently running abit low. So this year we need to plan our annual budget swee swee so that disaster will not occur when we tio daiji.
I remember last year annual budget 2009 we didn't plan very properly and end up when we going to tio daiji with other gang, our 10 ginnas only got money to buy 7 Tiger Bottle. End up the 3 of them who never get bottle died.
nnbccb without the Tiger Bottle dont so stupid go and fight la zzzz. the tiger bottle very important in a fight de.
So our annual budget very low we need member to faster donate more Tiger Bottle to us to make sure the disaster never occur again. No Heineiken accepted because it dont have the Tiger Power.
And those who haven't jio tio 5 stead if by next week you havent get 5 stead I must send u retrenchment letter liao cos you all wasting our money go and buy hair dye and hair spray. if you all use our reserves still never get zabor then you all not fit to be in this gang understand?
For this year we cannot buy alot of tiger bottles so we need to downgrade to buy water bottle instead. So we will be supplyig 35 tiger bottle and 36 water bottle.
If still not enough during your daiji send me email and BCC: ZhongEh and CC: your leader to ask for more supply. don't ask me face to face because all this need black and white.
after your email receive I will take 2 paikia days to reply to you whether can supply you more weapons anot.
How to choose your victim
Ok your tao eh here to conduct night session on how to choose your victim, which means how do you know if this person is the person you going to tio daiji with.
Basically all the victims have a few things in common and it is quite easy to choose them.
I will share with you the basic two features.
Number 1:
Wear glasses.
Wearing glasses confirm give you an advantage if he is your victim. Everyone knows that cobra is called Glasses Snake in Chinese, it applies to humans too. If you see a human wearing glasses you are very lucky to have a Glasses Human victim.
Everyone knows that if a cobra attack you, the only way to settle it is to take off the cobra's glasses. It applies to humans too. So when you tio daiji with your Glasses Human victim, remember the first step is always to take off his glasses.
Nowadays I know upgrade liao people wear contact lenses instead of wear glasses but this rule still applies. Just ask your victim what brand of contact lense he wearing then when he answering you halfway, use your middle finger to poke his eye and his contact lense will drop off.
This counter move is the most imba out of all because it is in S.565(b) in the Ahbeng Sutra - The Finger of Beng, the middle finger is specially chosen to be the attacking finger because we always train our middle finger to be the longest and most outstanding finger everytime.
Number 2:
A manly voice
If your victim has a manly voice it is even better because you can easily make him cry and being the tao eh, I will teach you to do so.
Step 1 - bring an apple along with you
Step 2 - bring a marker along with you
Step 3 - write the word 'adam' on the apple
Step 4 - eat the apple in front of your victim with the manly voice.
Once you complete Step 4, you must look deep into your victim eyes and say the magic words 'Adam Adam gone Forever'.
Your victim will become from manly voice to an ahgua voice because you have just eaten his adam's apple. Snow White is eat poison apple, now MTCLBHC is eat Adam's Apple.
After your victim has realised that he has lost his manly voice, he will cry and beg you to return his adam apple. Often, the ginnas under me will normally whack him and he will remain ahgua voice forever.
But your tao eh is different.
I told him 'Happy Father's Day' and I started to peel banana and eat in front of him.
These are the steps in choosing your victim. Please choose them wisely.
meeting
Ok tao eh come back from meeting with the other tao ehs from some gangs all over Singapore and I am expected to do a report for today meeting.
Our agenda for the meeting is How to find more daiji without getting daiji with mata.
And our solution is to whack the mata when the mata find us daiji.
And use our ultimate solution which is to scold him family so he will scared and treat us eat mango.
This solution took us 5 hours to come up with although they are just few sentences but the level of the solution is deeper than the ocean. How many of you wuji enough to whack a mata? Not you, not him, not her,
Not me.
So during the 2 minute break of our meeting we call a mata up and we want to see who is the most got balls one among all the tao eh. End up mata come liao everyone jio him play soccer cos they want to have balls zzzzz.
Your tao eh more special I ask him play pool cos pool got more balls than soccer because pool I play 9 ball while soccer they only got 1 ball. End up conclusion of the meeting is your Tao eh still more wuji than the other tao eh so come and join MataLaiLiaoBoHoChio best gang ever.
Now join our gang got special promotion sms to 31234 , the first 10 member to sign up will have special package first 3 days training on how to be pai kia and the basic move of pai kia. This special training programme I have specially invited pai kia from Jurong side to come and help because Jurong pai kia always come and tio our daiji.
It shows that they have the balls to tio our daiji so I be friend with 2 of them and they will conduct a whacking session with our first new 10 members. After the training we will teach you how to have more balls by having pool sessions at our territory. Hope it will be an enjoyable experience for our new members.
Reflection
Ok so this is an annoucement to those who join me in the daiji today at geylang Road.
I am going to grade your performance for the daiji today because it is important to know how pai kia u are in this gang.
Ah Soon
Ah Soon today not good ah. Ask you whack his stomach why you go and whack his head? zzz
As a pai kia u must whack those area which cannot be easily seen if not their mother see then complain to the school and the school will come and tio us daiji.
Always remember my golden line: Only tio small boys daiji, school come jitao we humji.
Ah Heng
Ah Heng today also not very good ah I ask you bring tiger bottle come so you can smash them you bring the Tiger Can come zzzz. Pai kia always use glass bottle one you first day work or what?? zzzzz
If next time you bring Tiger Can again I make sure I transfer you to the Find Stead department. Don't forget you only 5 ex hor I can discount 1 stead let you become 4 ex ok zzzz.
Xiao Beng
Xiao Beng performance best for today. I ask you whack leg you whack leg, ask you catch him you catch him, ask you run you run, ask you stay you stay. Very nice la if you can bark like dog you sure 100% A1 as pai kia one. Keep up the good work Xiao beng.
Ah Meng is sick so he never join us for the daiji today and Pua Kua submit a parents letter to me so it is acceptable.
For the 3 of you who join my daiji today I want you all to do a self reflection on today's daiji to see where you all can improve on for the next daiji.
A second announcement is to tell you all I won't be settling daiji for next 2 days as I have a meeting with the other gang tao eh, we are still thinking how to find our enemy gang MataLaiLiaoKaKinZao (MTLCKKZ) de daiji because they whole day keep scolding our mother and father so we are meeting in a temple to take the yellow paper to guard our parents before we can tio them de daiji. zzz very troublesome.
Love story
I know every pai kia will have their own zabor. Your Tao eh is also not spared.
Even the most fierce pai kia also will cry in front of the zabor he love the most. Your Tao eh is also not spared.
Today I go out with my zabor. Her name is Ai Pia.
As usual we just go to the staircase sio jim. Then knn one bastard use camera sneak behind us and take our lj picture. Limpei jitao dulan use handphone call my ginna tio him daiji.
That cb kia also got ginna, so I know the staircase confirm alot of daiji and that will put my zabor in danger.
I ask my zabor faster zao faster zao, my zabor don't want to zao.
I thought is because she love me too much then she don't want to pangseh me. That moment I really love her super lots. I told her I love her but she must zao.
Then she told me that cb kia is actually her Gan Stead. zzzz
Gan Stead lanjiao lar Gan Ni Na better lar zzzz.
End up she ask me if she break up with the Gan Stead I will let him off or not, I say if she break then I sua the case. Bo bian lor she give me face she just break with the gan stead.
The gan stead jitao like dog like that cry and go home lor.
I feel so happy that she actually break with her gan stead instead of break with me. I'm sure we will last forever de Ai Pia. I love you 1314.
Yong bu fen li.
Rules of MTCLBHC
Let me start with the Golden Rules of this gang.
There are just a few rules you have to abide although gangster don't follow rules, but as the Tao Eh, I still have my own set of rules.
Number 1:
Appearance
When walking, As your left leg strides out, your right hand must swing forward at least 45°. Similarly as right leg strides out, left hand swing forward 45° at least. The people in the higher rank department have to swing more degree as this shows the power of the wind as you are walking.
If you are in a low rank of this gang and you walk with a big degree, I will have to ask other ginnas to tio your daiji.
Number 2:
Vocal
When shouting at victim, please remember to include their father and mother into the story.
Don't ask why, because this is the way our gang scare people.
When you scold their father and mother, you are cursing their whole family, so they will be afraid that their family will tio daiji, so they will humji and let you whack.
If you do not follow this rule, you can choose to go for Option 2 which is to name any sexual genitals in Hokkien, eg Cheebye or Lanjiao. This words are very basic in the life of a pai kia and to be a true pai kia, you have to use these two words very often in your daily life even if there is no purpose.
When you scold people and call them cb or lj, they will be ashamed that you say out their private parts so they will be humji and diam diam let you punch.
Number 3:
Settling
When you pick a location to settle your daiji, ALWAYS remember it's either the :
Staircase
The staircase is often a place to tio daiji because if your victim wants to run away, he will run down the stairs and through my personal experience, 3 out of 17 victims have fallen down the stairs while they are trying to escape. Although it is only a small number, it is still a possibility that the victim cannot escape, so the staircase is a very good place to whack someone.
For the other 14 times, it is me who have fallen down the staircase but you cannot laugh at me because I am your tao eh.
OR
Toilet
Many people choose to use the toilet to settle a 1 v 1 because as there are only 2 people inside, if your face gets punched and there is a bruise, your opponent will not tell you that your face is ugly. So you have to look at the mirror to see if your face is ugly or not. The same goes for your opponent. If you are ugly, you cannot find a stead anymore.
So, if you have a 1v1 but you cannot find a toilet, you must remember to at least have a mirror with you. It is okay to have a mirror , dont scared people call you an ahgua, if people laugh at you, you just scold their mother and they will run away.
However if you are ugly in the first place, you do not have to find a toilet because it will not have any difference.
These are the 3 Golden Rules when you are in MTCLBHC.
Follow them well and you will strive to be an outstanding ginna in the years to come.
Cheers,
Tao Eh.
Ok thanks for your fast emails now our gang has a name called MataComeLiaoBoHoChio in short MCLBCH.
And below is the allocation of our gang departments:
I already have 12 ginnas coming in today I think it is enough for today's batch,
tomorrow batch depending on how big the daiji is.
Under me I will be leading :
Ah Soon
Ah Heng
Xiao Beng
Ah Meng
Pua Kia
All of us are have more balls thus I am giving you all the role of whacking and beating people.
Under a leader Xiao Kang will be:
Boon Kia
Pui Kia
Pa Buay Si Kia
Pai Kia
All these ginna will be the ones finding dai ji for our gang as they have emailed me a whole chunk of vulgarities which some I don't even know. Once their balls grow big enough they will be promoted to the Beat People Department.
The 3 others
Hong Soon
Hsien Hee
Kao Leng
You will be the ones to steal our enemy gang namely MataLaiLiaoKaKinZao those people de gf as you all haven't fulfil the 5 stead requirement but I am giving you a chance to stead more girls. You will be promoted to the Tio DaiJi section once you all have 5 steads.
Please continue to apply to our gang as we will be having more dai ji as the days pass.
Welcome
Welcome to www.borntobeyourleader.blogspot.com
By entering this website you are officially invited to be my ginna.
This job very easy, no need to study no need to stress,
only need to be scared of when mata come and I say ZAO you ZAO I say MAI ZAO you MAI ZAO.
This is what it takes to be my ginna. Can you handle it?
To register as my ginna simply fill in your particulars of this form and email to me at iamaginna@hotmail.com
Name:
Paikia Name: (Eg ahsiao, xiaobeng, brother hong, lee xiao long etc) But you cannot put the word '哥' behind your name because people call me 头哥
Gang Name if you want to nominate:
What weapon you use when you tio daiji: Newspaper, Magazine, Soccer Ball, Tiger Beer Bottle, Dustbin, Bare hands, KKJ.
What vulgarities you always scold: (Because it is important to keep using the basic like knn and ccb as being my ginna need to scare people and these are the magic words to scare people off so they will be humji and we can tio them)
What is your Level of Education: *note, higher than O level = disqualify*
As my ginnas must be studying secondary or primary school so they can guai lan their teacher in class.
How many ex-gf/bf you have:
This is also important because if you don't have more than 5 exbf/gf, you are not fit to be a ginna because all my ginna must have at least 5 stead before, if no stead before go and find 5 first.
Just fill up all your info and you can apply to be my ginna.
Today Tio Who?
KNN today got one cb kia in toilet pee finish liao keep look at my lj zzzz =.= like he dont have knn .
suck his mum milk la ccb whole day see see see knn never kena tio before izzit?? zzzzz
call my brothers all come and tio him end up he scared until pee 2nd time zzzz.
I LOVE MY BROTHERS FOREVER and we yong bu fen li 14 SIAO HUAT ARH!
nbcb who in school dare to look at my 2.5 inch kkj i make sure they go home also dont know who their mother ah knnbccb!!
